Ten Things I've Learned From Having 2 Kids
1 - Showers are overrated. My family may not agree, but I am learning to just go with the flow. I used to never leave the house without a shower and being completely dressed with makeup, but these days if I get to leave the house at all I'm caring less and less about those things. I realized this when I went to pick my daughter up from preschool with no bra and no socks. In December. And I didn't care. Also, I enjoy showering so much more when it becomes a luxury instead of just a habit. When I do get to shower, I tend to take a really long time and soak up the quietness and enjoy those few minutes of peace and quiet. Unless I'm showering with the 2 year old, then that is a different story.
2 - Don't sweat the small stuff. Seriously. Don't. Having this second baby has taught me that there are so many things I used to care about that just don't matter anymore. Things like impressing people, worrying about if I said something stupid, making two kinds of quiche for a party - they just simply don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I think as women, we are often times raised to be people pleasers and can become consumed with that others think of us. Even when my first child was born I was consumed with making sure people thought I was the perfect mother making all the right choices. But something about having a second child has made me focus more on my family and what really matters to us inside the four walls of our home - and way, way less about what the world thinks.
3 - Jesus is truly my BFF. I don't know how people can make it through the day without faith. Raising children is a scary thing. We worry about everything from SIDS, to building their self esteem, to LaCrosse Encephalitis and other rare diseases, preschools, friends, learning the alphabet and not to pick our noses in public, and the list goes on. But since having this second baby I realize more and more that I am really, truly not in control and I have to learn to trust God and go to him with all my fears and worries. I did a Bible study a couple summers ago and our leader told us when she is scared she imagines reaching out and God holding her hand. On days when I feel like I'm about to lose either my mind or my cool and I'm full of worry and self doubt, I visualize that and I can feel the calmness wash over my body. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declare the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
4 - I feel really sorry for the first born child. I love the show on ABC "The Middle" because of their honest views on parenting, like when talking about raising children the dad said, "The first pancake never turns out the best." I feel so sorry for our oldest that we are learning to be parents by experimenting on her. When I went for my 6 week post partum check up my OB asked me how different my kids were. My answer was that I'm not sure how different they are, instead I think the difference is us as parents. While we still worry, raising the second child brings in a whole new level on confidence that you don't get with the first child. When I feel sorry for my oldest, I try to console myself by thinking that the second born will never have anything new, will never get to do anything first, and will have to watch the oldest get more privileges and do cool stuff first.
5 - That I will still worry constantly and needlessly about the second child. While you bring an incredible amount of confidence to the table when raising the second child, the worry is still very much a part of everything you do. In some ways, I worry more with the second. I feel like God has blessed us so much with one perfect, beautiful, healthy child so I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop with the second child. Like, how can we be so lucky to have two amazing kids? Is something bad going to happen to balance out the universe? That is where #3 above comes in to play, I have to turn all those fears and doubts over to God and enjoy every second that we have together.
6 - Newborns are really not that difficult. When baby #1 was a newborn, I remember thinking taking care of her was sooooo hard. But now that she is almost 3, taking care of a newborn in a piece of cake! He eats, he sleeps, he poops, he plays. If he is crying, it is because he actually needs something and not because you looked at him funny or you put on the wrong socks or got the wrong color cup to put his yogurt in. We take him out to eat, and he sleeps instead of throwing something, staring awkwardly at someone, or screaming at the top of his lungs because he decides he wants to dive headfirst out of his highchair. I am really, really relishing this newborn stage because there are no tiny mind games to play.
7 - I enjoy knowing that when I am old and senile my children will have an ally to help them make hard decisions about my elderly care. HA! It also reminds me that I better be nice to them because they will ultimately pick my nursing home. But seriously, it is nice to think about the relationship they will have with each other. I think about the memories we will make together on vacations, holidays, and every day. I am glad they get to forever share this bond and will be able to make fun of us as parents together, commiserate with each other when we are "mean", and hopefully look back in their later years and laugh at all the good (and bad) times we had together.
8 - Having two children is physically demanding. I was semi-prepared for how hard and draining it would be emotionally and mentally, but I had no idea the toll it would take on my body. I have the kids by myself 90% of the time, and 90% of the time by the time I crawl in to bed everything is hurting and sore. To go anywhere, I have to tote the baby in his carrier and wrestle the older one to keep her from running in to traffic. Then I have to twist and turn to get them both settled in to their respective car seats. If we do any kind of errand that involves bags or packages or carrying anything, like grocery shopping or Wal-mart, I am exhausted by the time we get home and the thought of having to unload groceries and then put them up and cook will most certainly prompt a call to Pizza Hut.
9 - That it is possible to love two people more than I love, will ever love, or have every loved anything else in my life. I was terrified that when baby #2 was born, I wasn't going to love him as much as baby #1. I actually cried all the way to the hospital because I was certain I was ruining my daughter's life and would never feel the same way about the new baby as I felt about her. Wrong. Period. The second I saw him after he was born I loved him just as much as I loved my daughter. You have enough room in your heart to love both these little being you've created like you never even dreamed possible before you had children. Going to bed exhausted, sore, dirty, and hungry doesn't even both you when you feel over the top full of love for your children.
10 - That having two kids would make me feel so complete. When my son was a couple of weeks old I remember sitting at the dining room table holding him while eating lunch with my daughter and knowing with everything in me that this is the life I was destined for. It doesn't matter about anything else - whether I have the newest iphone, the nicest cars, the best clothes - nothing else makes me feel as complete as having these two kids. Yes, life with two kids is hard. But anything worth having is worth working for, and there is nobody or nothing else I would rather work as hard for.
2 - Don't sweat the small stuff. Seriously. Don't. Having this second baby has taught me that there are so many things I used to care about that just don't matter anymore. Things like impressing people, worrying about if I said something stupid, making two kinds of quiche for a party - they just simply don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I think as women, we are often times raised to be people pleasers and can become consumed with that others think of us. Even when my first child was born I was consumed with making sure people thought I was the perfect mother making all the right choices. But something about having a second child has made me focus more on my family and what really matters to us inside the four walls of our home - and way, way less about what the world thinks.
3 - Jesus is truly my BFF. I don't know how people can make it through the day without faith. Raising children is a scary thing. We worry about everything from SIDS, to building their self esteem, to LaCrosse Encephalitis and other rare diseases, preschools, friends, learning the alphabet and not to pick our noses in public, and the list goes on. But since having this second baby I realize more and more that I am really, truly not in control and I have to learn to trust God and go to him with all my fears and worries. I did a Bible study a couple summers ago and our leader told us when she is scared she imagines reaching out and God holding her hand. On days when I feel like I'm about to lose either my mind or my cool and I'm full of worry and self doubt, I visualize that and I can feel the calmness wash over my body. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declare the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
4 - I feel really sorry for the first born child. I love the show on ABC "The Middle" because of their honest views on parenting, like when talking about raising children the dad said, "The first pancake never turns out the best." I feel so sorry for our oldest that we are learning to be parents by experimenting on her. When I went for my 6 week post partum check up my OB asked me how different my kids were. My answer was that I'm not sure how different they are, instead I think the difference is us as parents. While we still worry, raising the second child brings in a whole new level on confidence that you don't get with the first child. When I feel sorry for my oldest, I try to console myself by thinking that the second born will never have anything new, will never get to do anything first, and will have to watch the oldest get more privileges and do cool stuff first.
5 - That I will still worry constantly and needlessly about the second child. While you bring an incredible amount of confidence to the table when raising the second child, the worry is still very much a part of everything you do. In some ways, I worry more with the second. I feel like God has blessed us so much with one perfect, beautiful, healthy child so I'm kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop with the second child. Like, how can we be so lucky to have two amazing kids? Is something bad going to happen to balance out the universe? That is where #3 above comes in to play, I have to turn all those fears and doubts over to God and enjoy every second that we have together.
6 - Newborns are really not that difficult. When baby #1 was a newborn, I remember thinking taking care of her was sooooo hard. But now that she is almost 3, taking care of a newborn in a piece of cake! He eats, he sleeps, he poops, he plays. If he is crying, it is because he actually needs something and not because you looked at him funny or you put on the wrong socks or got the wrong color cup to put his yogurt in. We take him out to eat, and he sleeps instead of throwing something, staring awkwardly at someone, or screaming at the top of his lungs because he decides he wants to dive headfirst out of his highchair. I am really, really relishing this newborn stage because there are no tiny mind games to play.
7 - I enjoy knowing that when I am old and senile my children will have an ally to help them make hard decisions about my elderly care. HA! It also reminds me that I better be nice to them because they will ultimately pick my nursing home. But seriously, it is nice to think about the relationship they will have with each other. I think about the memories we will make together on vacations, holidays, and every day. I am glad they get to forever share this bond and will be able to make fun of us as parents together, commiserate with each other when we are "mean", and hopefully look back in their later years and laugh at all the good (and bad) times we had together.
8 - Having two children is physically demanding. I was semi-prepared for how hard and draining it would be emotionally and mentally, but I had no idea the toll it would take on my body. I have the kids by myself 90% of the time, and 90% of the time by the time I crawl in to bed everything is hurting and sore. To go anywhere, I have to tote the baby in his carrier and wrestle the older one to keep her from running in to traffic. Then I have to twist and turn to get them both settled in to their respective car seats. If we do any kind of errand that involves bags or packages or carrying anything, like grocery shopping or Wal-mart, I am exhausted by the time we get home and the thought of having to unload groceries and then put them up and cook will most certainly prompt a call to Pizza Hut.
9 - That it is possible to love two people more than I love, will ever love, or have every loved anything else in my life. I was terrified that when baby #2 was born, I wasn't going to love him as much as baby #1. I actually cried all the way to the hospital because I was certain I was ruining my daughter's life and would never feel the same way about the new baby as I felt about her. Wrong. Period. The second I saw him after he was born I loved him just as much as I loved my daughter. You have enough room in your heart to love both these little being you've created like you never even dreamed possible before you had children. Going to bed exhausted, sore, dirty, and hungry doesn't even both you when you feel over the top full of love for your children.
10 - That having two kids would make me feel so complete. When my son was a couple of weeks old I remember sitting at the dining room table holding him while eating lunch with my daughter and knowing with everything in me that this is the life I was destined for. It doesn't matter about anything else - whether I have the newest iphone, the nicest cars, the best clothes - nothing else makes me feel as complete as having these two kids. Yes, life with two kids is hard. But anything worth having is worth working for, and there is nobody or nothing else I would rather work as hard for.
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