This past week has been intensely stressful. We got a call from the daycare, whose waiting list we have been on since I was 12 weeks pregnant, letting us know they had a spot for us on June 29th. They called Thursday about 10 am and said we had to decide by noon on Friday or forever be off the waiting list. It was seriously threatening.
Up until about a month ago, I was almost sure I wasn't going to go back to work. We sat down and looked at the numbers and we could afford for me to stay home and still pay our bills and eat, my two highest priorities. However, we aren't sure if Eli will have a job after this season. The stupid economy has affected even the ultra rich, and not that many people are using the club. After the end of the season last year they laid several manager off and sent most of the rest to the Yellowstone Club in Montana. We don't know if that is going to be happening this season or not, as it all depends on how much money they are able to make while everything is open. So because of that we decided it would be bad news for me to give up my fairly stable job should he get laid off and we have no money coming in at all, leaving us having to move to a van down by the river. Is it sad that I already have the spot picked out where we will put said van? At least we know we can always go to Cracker Barrel and eat, I mean how many times to they ask you if you've paid when you walk out the door?? Just kidding!
I am having a seriously hard time imagining leaving my precious baby. We decided to give up the day care spot because it just didn't make sense for us to pay $712 for almost 2 months we didn't need just to keep our spot since I'm not going back to work until August. I wouldn't even start earning money until October! We found a wonderful lady who has an almost 1 year old who was willing to watch Averie temporarily until another family member takes over at the end of November. I feel good knowing that she will be in a good place and be well taken care of but it still is extremely heartbreaking. I think the thought that hurts the most is knowing that she will start to trust someone else and look to them for care instead of looking to me. I want her to not be weird and be able to go to anybody and make friends and be around other babies, I just want to be around for all of that. I will miss our special time during the day when it is just the two of us and we have in depth conversations in the bumbo and tummy time and we read books and sing and watch trash tv and go grocery shopping and walking and everything wonderful (and not so wonderful - poopy diapers and drool and chunky spit up are even things I will miss) about just spending time together. If this were something I felt like I didn't have to do to protect my family, I would gladly start prostituting at night to keep from having to leave her. Yeah right, I would have to pay someone instead of them paying me. But this has made me take a look at my priorities and I know that there is nothing in the world I want bad enough for someone else to raise my child. If I never get a new shirt or pair of shoes it would be worth getting to be with her during this time I will never get back. Bah, I can't think about it anymore. At least I know it won't be forever.
On another note, a very close family friend just found out her husband has prostate cancer. He is not going to have surgery until August due to a trip they are taking so please be in prayer for them. It is very scary and of course makes me think about my own parents getting older. There are times in my life I really don't like being a grown up and this is definitely one of those times. I wish I could go back to being 12 and only caring about who I was going to dance with during which Boys II Men song at the middle school dance. But if I did that I wouldn't have this little cutie:
Anyway, my heart is just very heavy and I feel a little overwhelmed by all the bad that seems to be going on in the world, both generally and personally. I know we have to trust in God and know that he has plans for us. When we were living in Boone and felt so stuck in our situation my mom emailed me this verse:
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Jeremiah 29:11.
This is a verse that I tend to cling to when times get tough and I feel lost in the shuffle of things. June is a hard month anyway because the 22nd will mark 2 years since Eil's dad died. It was weird because when we were cleaning out his things right after his death I found a picture frame I had forgotten about that we had given him before he left for Armenia and it has the Jeremiah 29:11 verse on it. It is now sitting on the shelf above my computer so I can look at it and the picture of all of us at our wedding and think about the happier times behind us and those left to come.
On to happier things - since the last post we have been mostly staying close to the house because every time I get us loaded up to go walk the thunder starts a rumbling and the rain starts a falling. We did go have lunch with Daddy at work last Wednesday and got to introduce Miss A to all his work people. She got to meet the famous basset hounds, Lillie and General, who were featured in Paula Deen's Holiday 2008 magazine. Hey, that is the closest I've ever come to meeting a celebrity! Saturday we worked around the house then Saturday night we went to Jordan Street cafe for dinner (we had a gift certificate) then to see new baby Kynna at the hospital. She was only 3 hours old and so, so precious. I hope she and Averie will be good play buddies. Sunday we went to church then back to Nana and Granddaddy's house for lunch. I so cherish the time we have with Eli because it is so limited during this time of year. Only 4 days off a month is kinda a bummer and I hate that he is missing so much time with A. Maybe it will pay off though when it comes to cutting time at the end of the season.
Now to really exciting news - we went to talk to Preacher Paul on Wednesday and we are going to join the church and get Averie baptised on the 21st! Since Eli and I both grew up in church and Sunday school we want to give her the same experience. (Sidenote - she got fussy during church on Sunday and since Eli was holding her carrier I asked him to take her out. He came back about 10 minutes later without her and needless to say I was a little freaked out. She did great in the nursery though and was being loved on when we went to get her after the service. I may get brave enough to start leaving her in there every Sunday. We'll see.) We are going to have a brunch celebration of her baptism and basically just her life right after church. I am so excited and have enjoyed planning her party as a way to take my mind off all my worries. We are doing a pink and brown polka dot theme and it was all inspired by this:
Of course it was $150 to do this cake so we will be having a very much smaller modified version but brown and pink nonetheless. I have decided that I am very much a detail oriented person. This revelation came as I was searching for pink and brown polka dot mini cupcake liners and pink and brown topped toothpicks. She has her outfit(s) all ready to go - gorgeous white dress for the service and of course pink and brown for the party. With everything going on in our lives, we all deserve to party and celebrate life!
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