Parent Fail
So, Thursday was probably the worst day I've ever experienced as a parent. Looking back at it now I almost wish we had hidden cameras in our house because the drama that went on would make for an excellent reality tv show. The past few weeks Eli has been working 12-14 hour days plus a 45 minute commute each way, so the kids have gone several days without seeing him and I've been averaging 30-45 minutes of face to face time with him. That pretty much makes me a single parent (I give mad props to actual single parents - their patience alone I can not fathom) and makes all of us a little frazzled and tense. I've added random pictures of her just to remind myself how fast she is growing up!
By Thursday of this week, Averie and I were done with each other. I could not make her listen to me and she would not do anything I said. It came to a head late Thursday evening when she piled every blanket we own on top of the dog and began hitting him in the head with her Easter basket. I can't emphasize enough how many times we have gone over the proper way to touch the dog. I have put her in time out when she is mean to him, I've tried talking to her about it, I've threatened to give the dog away, I've spanked her, and nothing seems to get through to her that she is hurting the poor little creature.
Fast forward to Thursday, I saw her intentionally hurting the dog again and I snapped. I grabbed the bucket out of her hand and chucked it at her head, hitting her and causing a massive meltdown of epic proportions. I sent her to her room so that I could calm down and get myself under control. After about 2.5 seconds I started feeling like dog poo because I am an adult and I should be able to control myself and not resort to such behaviors. I started thinking about how I've probably turned her in to a monster and she is going to need massive amounts of therapy to recover from this incident. I went in to her room after we had both calmed down and found her playing happily with her baby dolls, obviously not the emotionally scarred mess I had expected to find. I sat her down and at eye level I apologized for that I had done and explained that we don't throw things at people (do as I say, not as I do....). But then I tried again to get her to understand how important it is for her to listen to me and more importantly to not hurt the dog. After I put her to bed Eli came home and I was the emotionally scarred mess, sobbing to him for a while about what a horrible mother I am. Of course, he is a wise man and calmed me down and assured me that she would not be permanently damaged from this incident.
This whole thing got me thinking. I see all kinds of people with their kids - my friends, the parents at school and church, famous people, random strangers on the street - and I wonder if I am the only parent who has ever reacted like that when their kid pushes them to the breaking point. You never see that side of motherhood or parenting, and it makes me wonder if I am the only one or if every parent does that and we just don't talk about it. Before I had kids, when I was a much better parent, I never understood how a tiny person could cause a grown adult to lose control. Even after Averie was born that first year she didn't (couldn't) do anything to misbehave and I still didn't see it. She didn't really get challenging until right before she turned 2, and that only lasted for a couple of months. But ever since she turned 3, and we are only a month in to it, it's like she has suddenly realized that she is her own little person who can make decisions and be independent and wants to see just how far she can push me. I know that this is just a phase and is temporary and I think about when she starts school as a kindergartner how much I will miss her. But these past couple of weeks, had I had the option of early or advanced kindergarten, I would have jumped on it! This too shall pass, and it will be quickly. I have stopped praying for patience because God obviously thinks it's funny to test me on it, and have started praying just to make it through the day!
Just because I want to remember that she was sweet during this time too, the other night I was rocking Baby Reid to sleep in his room and she randomly and spontaneously ran in, kissed him on the head and me on the lips and said, "I love you so much!!". I also want to remember some of the things she did to drive me insane so when she has her own little three year old I can remember and laugh:
- Smuggled crayons home from the one year old preschool class in her pockets and broke them out during nap time to color a mural on her wall, leading to a strip search before nap time.
- Repeatedly got in to her diaper and smeared poop all over the walls and crib. We had to resort to putting her in pajamas backwards.
- After moving in to her big girl room she got in to her markers several times and colored on the walls and furniture. She is no longer allowed to store art supplies in her room.
- I came home from a church function one afternoon and found that while I was gone she had removed the ink part of a Crayola marker and colored the walls, the bed, her sheets and comforter, the curtains, and herself with purple ink.
- Right after she moved in to her big bed she got ahold of an extra baby wash I had stored in her room and given herself a bath with it in her bed.
- Took her diaper off after pooping in it and ran around her room, grinding poop all over her carpet and staining it. Used hydrogen peroxide to get it out.
- Just today (4/22/2012) I sent her to her room because she was misbehaving and when I went to get her she had pulled her chair up to the fish tank and emptied the entire container of fish food in to the tank and all over the floor.
- Flushed a dog bone down the toilet and after crunching numbers we just decided to buy a new toilet instead of hiring a plumber to come fish it out.
- Right after Reid was born she got in the A&D ointment and ruined his rug with it.
These are the things no one tells you that you will deal with before you have a baby. I think the birth rate would slow dramatically if sixteen year olds thought about this stuff before deciding to not use birth control. I have obviously given this a lot of thought, mostly while cleaning up all these messes, and have chosen to think that the reason she does all this stuff is because she is a very smart little girl and is not content to sit in her room being bored. I am choosing to look at is as a good thing, that she is very curious and can find ways to entertain herself. I am choosing to look at it this way because if I think about it in any other way I will cry! But, there is only one Averie, and no matter what, at the end of the day, I am beyond thankful that God gave me this beautiful, loving, caring, imaginative, smart, determined, sassy little girl to raise!
By Thursday of this week, Averie and I were done with each other. I could not make her listen to me and she would not do anything I said. It came to a head late Thursday evening when she piled every blanket we own on top of the dog and began hitting him in the head with her Easter basket. I can't emphasize enough how many times we have gone over the proper way to touch the dog. I have put her in time out when she is mean to him, I've tried talking to her about it, I've threatened to give the dog away, I've spanked her, and nothing seems to get through to her that she is hurting the poor little creature.
Fast forward to Thursday, I saw her intentionally hurting the dog again and I snapped. I grabbed the bucket out of her hand and chucked it at her head, hitting her and causing a massive meltdown of epic proportions. I sent her to her room so that I could calm down and get myself under control. After about 2.5 seconds I started feeling like dog poo because I am an adult and I should be able to control myself and not resort to such behaviors. I started thinking about how I've probably turned her in to a monster and she is going to need massive amounts of therapy to recover from this incident. I went in to her room after we had both calmed down and found her playing happily with her baby dolls, obviously not the emotionally scarred mess I had expected to find. I sat her down and at eye level I apologized for that I had done and explained that we don't throw things at people (do as I say, not as I do....). But then I tried again to get her to understand how important it is for her to listen to me and more importantly to not hurt the dog. After I put her to bed Eli came home and I was the emotionally scarred mess, sobbing to him for a while about what a horrible mother I am. Of course, he is a wise man and calmed me down and assured me that she would not be permanently damaged from this incident.
This whole thing got me thinking. I see all kinds of people with their kids - my friends, the parents at school and church, famous people, random strangers on the street - and I wonder if I am the only parent who has ever reacted like that when their kid pushes them to the breaking point. You never see that side of motherhood or parenting, and it makes me wonder if I am the only one or if every parent does that and we just don't talk about it. Before I had kids, when I was a much better parent, I never understood how a tiny person could cause a grown adult to lose control. Even after Averie was born that first year she didn't (couldn't) do anything to misbehave and I still didn't see it. She didn't really get challenging until right before she turned 2, and that only lasted for a couple of months. But ever since she turned 3, and we are only a month in to it, it's like she has suddenly realized that she is her own little person who can make decisions and be independent and wants to see just how far she can push me. I know that this is just a phase and is temporary and I think about when she starts school as a kindergartner how much I will miss her. But these past couple of weeks, had I had the option of early or advanced kindergarten, I would have jumped on it! This too shall pass, and it will be quickly. I have stopped praying for patience because God obviously thinks it's funny to test me on it, and have started praying just to make it through the day!
Just because I want to remember that she was sweet during this time too, the other night I was rocking Baby Reid to sleep in his room and she randomly and spontaneously ran in, kissed him on the head and me on the lips and said, "I love you so much!!". I also want to remember some of the things she did to drive me insane so when she has her own little three year old I can remember and laugh:
- Smuggled crayons home from the one year old preschool class in her pockets and broke them out during nap time to color a mural on her wall, leading to a strip search before nap time.
- Repeatedly got in to her diaper and smeared poop all over the walls and crib. We had to resort to putting her in pajamas backwards.
- After moving in to her big girl room she got in to her markers several times and colored on the walls and furniture. She is no longer allowed to store art supplies in her room.
- I came home from a church function one afternoon and found that while I was gone she had removed the ink part of a Crayola marker and colored the walls, the bed, her sheets and comforter, the curtains, and herself with purple ink.
- Right after she moved in to her big bed she got ahold of an extra baby wash I had stored in her room and given herself a bath with it in her bed.
- Took her diaper off after pooping in it and ran around her room, grinding poop all over her carpet and staining it. Used hydrogen peroxide to get it out.
- Just today (4/22/2012) I sent her to her room because she was misbehaving and when I went to get her she had pulled her chair up to the fish tank and emptied the entire container of fish food in to the tank and all over the floor.
- Flushed a dog bone down the toilet and after crunching numbers we just decided to buy a new toilet instead of hiring a plumber to come fish it out.
- Right after Reid was born she got in the A&D ointment and ruined his rug with it.
These are the things no one tells you that you will deal with before you have a baby. I think the birth rate would slow dramatically if sixteen year olds thought about this stuff before deciding to not use birth control. I have obviously given this a lot of thought, mostly while cleaning up all these messes, and have chosen to think that the reason she does all this stuff is because she is a very smart little girl and is not content to sit in her room being bored. I am choosing to look at is as a good thing, that she is very curious and can find ways to entertain herself. I am choosing to look at it this way because if I think about it in any other way I will cry! But, there is only one Averie, and no matter what, at the end of the day, I am beyond thankful that God gave me this beautiful, loving, caring, imaginative, smart, determined, sassy little girl to raise!
Oh, Anna--you are not alone! I am there with you, and Wylie's going through the same thing these days. And there have been times (far too many, I'm ashamed to say) where I have let my frustration get the better of me. Yesterday after Wylie hit me with both hands on the chest, arms, and face, and then hit the dog, I left her wailing in the "think about" (think about? Ha.) chair and went outside to get Stuart, who was cleaning out the gutters. I told him that I needed him to take over because I was losing it. So I can only imagine how tough this week has been with Eli gone!
ReplyDeleteI know it'll get better! But until then, we can commiserate. And thank you for sharing all the adorable photos and tidbits about Averie's precious moments: they help me think of Wylie's!