My Weight Loss Journey Part IV

The second pregnancy was very similar to my first pregnancy in terms of sickness.  I knew the baby was a boy long before the ultrasound proved it, and he made it very clear by making me crave Taco Bell, Mountain Dew, and chicken wings.  I lost 11 lbs in my first month, and the day I went in to the hospital to deliver him I weighed 2 lbs less that I did when I started.  When I left the hospital I was down about 20 lbs from my starting weight and was so excited I had lost so much weight so quickly.  But the stress of having a newborn and a two year old really took a toll on my weight.  We were potty training my two year old, and using M&Ms as a reward.  I ate an entire giant size bag of M&Ms one day because they were handy and I wasn't taking the time to take care of myself.  I could eat cookies, candy, chips - whatever was quick and easy to grab.  I knew my weight was getting out of control, but it wasn't until I saw the pictures of my son's baptism that I was ready to make a change.  I did not recognize the obese woman holding my son in those pictures until I looked closely and saw it was me.  I was so ashamed and embarrassed, really for even going out of the house looking like that.  I had gained 25 lbs in about 3 months and was feeling really depressed along with the normal overwhelming feelings that come from having two small children.  I was embarrassed for my children too, because not only did I want to be healthy enough to keep up with them, but I want them to be proud of their mom.  I called a medical weight loss clinic that day and made an appointment to get started.

The day I went in to the hospital with Reid

The Picture - that changed it all.  No idea I was that large.

I went for my blood work first and luckily all my numbers came back within the healthy range, except my iron levels which showed I was anemic.  I was giddy at that news, because it meant there was an explanation and a solution for the overwhelming exhaustion I had been feeling since the birth of my son.  I then went for my first official appointment and was weighed, measured, given an EKG, and the program materials.  Part of the program is you are offered a prescription appetite suppressant, along with optional B12 and B1/B6 supplement shots.  Since I was going to do this, I wanted every advantage I could get so I chose to get all three things.  The first week was brutal - it is known as their detox week and you eat no more than 500 calories and less than 10 carbs.  I felt horrible for the first three days, I had headaches from caffeine withdrawal and was so irritable from the sudden lack of carbohydrates and sugars, but on the fourth day I felt awesome and had tons of energy.  The body goes in to a state of ketosis from this process, where you burned stored fat instead of carbohydrates, and one benefit is that you naturally aren't hungry.  I went for my first weigh in and I was down 10 lbs!  It was very exciting and extremely motivating, because it had always taken me months to lose that much on Weight Watchers.  I continued to lose well on 600-800 calories and under 40 carbs a day, and at the end of 5 weeks I was down 21 lbs. 

Easter 2012 - 6 weeks on program

I am currently in week 9 and have lost a total of 26.5 lbs.  I am definitely through the honeymoon phase of this diet, and there are some days I just don't want to do it anymore.  I want to go to my favorite grocery store and eat four chocolate covered donuts like I used to.  But I have also been looking in to the research behind sugar and cravings and know that in this battle I am just like any other addict.  I have to take it one day at a time and some days, one minute at a time.  I had an internal struggle with myself on a daily basis, my angel telling me I can do this and keep it off, and my devil telling me I will gain it all back so I should go ahead and cheat.  I know, just like any other addict, that my chances for a relapse in to my old habits is great.  And I know that I can not live my life thinking I will never eat another piece of bread, pasta, or dessert again, but I just pray that I make best choices for my health and my weight that I can.  I am also realizing that my emotional hunger is much more powerful than my physical hunger.  When I get stressed or depressed or bored or lonely, I feel those emotional cravings to give in.  But I feel so much more in control now knowing that the hunger is in my brain and not my belly.  I can channel those feelings in to doing something much more productive, like coloring with my 3 year old or cleaning or doing the laundry, and those feelings soon go away. 

Another motivating factor for me is the example I will set for my children.  It is easy for us as parents to tell our kids what we want them to do, but it is often much harder to do it ourselves.  I want my kids, especially my daughter, to be healthy and not have the same struggle that I have.  So much of our self esteem and self worth is, unfortunately, based on our outward appearance.  I want to give my kids every advantage I can in life, and their health and well being is in my control, so being the example I want them to be is the greatest advantage I can give them.